I was laying on my bed the other night, letting my thoughts wander with the flipping channels on my TV, and for whatever reason I paused on Larry King Live. And I was struck by a pressing question. Who the hell watches this show?On this particular night he was interviewing Sharon Stone, who I didn’t know was still alive, which is a joke not quite as funny in this case because she did have like a brain aneurism a few years ago and I guess came very close to actually not being alive. Fortunately, I’m tactless enough not to care. For those of you who can’t remember, Stone is most famous for flashing her crotch at the camera in Basic Instinct. By that standard, my local video store has a back room full of the work of starlets equally if not more famous for their willingness to flash certain unmentionable parts of their bodies.

I’m talking about Larry King here, though, and Sharon Stone is only worth mentioning because she’s the kind of has-been guest that seems to fill the show’s airtime when somebody genuinely interesting or influential can’t be found, which happens most nights. And you know who is in no way interesting or influential? Larry King himself. He’s got no personality. He’s funny looking (maybe a low blow, but I’m a child of the TV generation and I only listen to pretty people, dammit). I can’t understand for the life of me how this show is still on the air. I work in television. I know that ratings are the end all be all of the industry, and that means Larry King has a dedicated, loyal viewership of what must be exceedingly dull people. Where are these people? I’ve never met them.

Show yourselves, Larry King watchers!

At least change the flippin’ channel.